Ghost Ghost

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acciolesbians: beep. beep. beep beep beep. A short asian woman walks in, looking bored. ” do you know what happened to you? why you’re here?” I am mute. I refuse to talk to her. I don’t know her. BEEP. BEEP. “What is that noise?” “We were monitoring your heart. It’s called an electrocardiogram, or EKG.” beep. More talking. I’ve tuned her out. I see her lips moving but my head can’t understand why they don’t stop. I imagine her lips flying off of her face and into the vents they’re moving so fast. I spend the next court-required 72 hours in another unfamiliar place. Strangers. Kids, younger than me. We have crafts. I sit on the couch and wonder. We discuss. I am quiet. The psychiatrist meets with me privately. I am no longer a stone, but a waterfall. beepbeepbeepbeep. My parents visit. They bring balloons from my best friend. They sit at the table and laugh, out loud, often. Why? I’m hurt by that. To this day. The only thing I can ask my mom is to please, for the love of god, tell Miss E where I am, that I can’t be the student teacher she needs me to be. She never told her where I was. I volunteered in a middle school, every day. Miss E was my older sister, my mentor, my light at the end of the seemingly endless tunnel. I student-taught 7th grade English. They made me laugh, they put a smile on my face. They were my something to look forward to. beep. I got out after 72 hours, despite the doctor’s urges to keep me longer. The first place I went was that middle school. I was in my pajamas. Miss E’s jaw dropped to the floor when I walked in. She started crying, in front of OUR class. She took me out to the hallway while I explained through a cracked voice and unending tears. beep. beep. beep. Clarke, I want you to know that this pain will pass. This too, shall pass. This too, shall pass. You are stronger than this. beep. beep. That was the first time I had ever heard that phrase.  The feelings passed. The pain passed. The memories no longer haunt me. The urges have passed. this too shall pass.

acciolesbians:

beep.

beep.

beep beep beep.

A short asian woman walks in, looking bored. ” do you know what happened to you? why you’re here?”

I am mute. I refuse to talk to her. I don’t know her.

BEEP.

BEEP.

“What is that noise?”

“We were monitoring your heart. It’s called an electrocardiogram, or EKG.”

beep.

More talking. I’ve tuned her out. I see her lips moving but my head can’t understand why they don’t stop. I imagine her lips flying off of her face and into the vents they’re moving so fast.

I spend the next court-required 72 hours in another unfamiliar place.

Strangers.

Kids, younger than me. We have crafts. I sit on the couch and wonder. We discuss. I am quiet. The psychiatrist meets with me privately. I am no longer a stone, but a waterfall.

beepbeepbeepbeep.

My parents visit. They bring balloons from my best friend. They sit at the table and laugh, out loud, often. Why?

I’m hurt by that. To this day.

The only thing I can ask my mom is to please, for the love of god, tell Miss E where I am, that I can’t be the student teacher she needs me to be.

She never told her where I was.

I volunteered in a middle school, every day. Miss E was my older sister, my mentor, my light at the end of the seemingly endless tunnel. I student-taught 7th grade English. They made me laugh, they put a smile on my face. They were my something to look forward to.

beep.

I got out after 72 hours, despite the doctor’s urges to keep me longer.

The first place I went was that middle school. I was in my pajamas.

Miss E’s jaw dropped to the floor when I walked in. She started crying, in front of OUR class. She took me out to the hallway while I explained through a cracked voice and unending tears.

beep.

beep.

beep.

Clarke, I want you to know that this pain will pass. This too, shall pass. This too, shall pass. You are stronger than this.

beep.

beep.

That was the first time I had ever heard that phrase. 

The feelings passed. The pain passed. The memories no longer haunt me. The urges have passed.

this too shall pass.

  1. confederatefaggot reblogged this from modernmethadone
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  5. priincess-meeghan reblogged this from acciolesbians and added:
    unbelievable. This is beautiful
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  8. thegirlwiththebows reblogged this from amessofadreamerr and added:
    This concept is great!
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  18. oedipusrexrexrex said: beautiful.
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  22. acciolesbians posted this

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